Tag Archives: awful

Something to Think About… Plug N Plays

Name calling at its Worst?

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Everybody knows the Plug N Plays and pretty much everyone grew up wanting one for their birthday. Maybe you saw them on the store shelves at Walmart or Target; Pac-Man, Namco 6-1 Games, Batman. When you here the term Plug N Play in gaming there are three things that come to mind; first the obvious (needing to put this in here for everyone’s tech sake) to simply plug in a device to a computer and use it with out the need of drivers or really anything else, The SECOND is Jakk Pacific Plug N Play, those are the ones that everyone saw on the shelves at Walmart and Target such as Pacman, Batman, Spiderman and so forth… then there is the last one BOOTLEG, KNOCKOFF, just to name a few. These are the ones that you find at flea markets, swap meets and other back world places but that doesn’t mean you can’t find them anywhere else either.

First off Jakk Pacific Plug N Plays were fun to play and somewhat what cheap to buy some more expensive than others depending on the game or license product you find. I remember the surge back in the early 2000’s when they hit store shelves and people where buying them up as cheap birthday gifts and then they started to wane a bit and you could find them on the clearance aisle for cheap. These games are not the best games you could play but they were decent for what they were.

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And then they were lost in the darkness…

Until another surge of Plug N Plays came sweeping through…You would often find Player Choice (Now named Power Player or Power Racer) with over 100,000 games in 1 at thrift stores. Now nobody knew where these came from, well I certainly didn’t at the time but wow how about that over one hundred thousand games in one little controller, at the time that sounded awesome but to my surprise it was all Nintendo games in different formats. I thought this was cool and at the time most rental places had PS2 and Xbox games so Nintendo was a little hard to come by. I would see these every where and then different looking Plug N Plays would start to pop up here and there as I started going to different thrift shops. I didn’t know there were so many!

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Now I have always called these types of Plug N Plays, well Plug N Plays and nothing else. I have heard over the course of many years that they are called BOOTLEG and KNOCKOFF consoles which to my dismay they are. But that doesn’t mean we should call something such as this a derogatory name. Yes you heard right, I feel that calling them BOOTLEG is a derogatory name. Now call me a hypocrite but Knockoff sounds a bit better but not by much. I know what you are all thinking, they are taking the games we all know and love and ripping them to their console with just a few simple editing tricks such as; wiping the Nintendo logo away, copying one game and changing the sprites in every copied game, ect).

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There are tons of these everywhere but still I don’t think name calling is the right thing to do just because the console and games are crap and yes I have played many that have been. Call them by there name even if you have to find out what it is or simply call it a Plug N Play. If I went in to Game stop, Vintage Stock or Game Xchange, you wouldn’t here me calling the Xbox a load of ^*& do you? These people would look at me in the worst way. The same goes for Plug N Plays. I dislike the Xbox and I do have one I think the PS is far greater but I don’t go around calling it crap. I simple call it by its name. Now I will have to say that a lot of it has to do with YouTube. Click-bait at its best if you will. I would rather watch a video that said “The Top Ten Worst Plug N Plays Ever!” then watch a video that had the title “The Top Ten Worst BOOTLEG CONSOLES Ever!”

Lets Be honest with ourselves, they may have slightly different names to attract those that don’t know best about video games but we as gamers know that these so called “consoles” do not play CD, DVD, BLU-RAY at all. They have built in games in them that aren’t the best. For Example the PSXBOX I believe it is called doesn’t play PS or Xbox games nor does it have any of them built in. Now its OK to get make fun of it for the laughs (being a hypocrite now) but calling it a BOOTLEG is just taking it to far. Somebody took the time to make this and maybe this was the best they could do. Maybe this was an attempt to sell to unexpecting customers that didn’t know better. Who is to say? All I know is that the name calling is at its worst when you refer it to BOOTLEG or really anything other than Plug N Play.

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I hope that I have gave you something to think about. What do you think? I want to here from you!

Stay Retro my friends,

~Retro Mark

 

 

Teen Ignores Safety from Deadly Tornado to Play Fortnite

To Close for Comfort or Better luck Next Time?

 

When you here the sirens go off for a tornado the first thing you think of is to seek shelter, correct? Some of us might even go as far as to see it for themselves or watch the News on TV to see which direction its going in. Not for one teen in Greensboro, North Carolina, which the tornado left a complete path of destruction, laying waste to trees and house in its path.

“I was sitting at home and I was playing *Fortnite, and all of sudden, I hear a bunch of noise, I look out the window and I started seeing the roof come off the houses in front of me.”

Apparently Williams was in the Final match of his game and only had just a few people left in it and was wanting to finish it but when all hell started to break lose that’s when William’s, his sister and nephew went to the bathroom and seeked shelter. From what William’s told reporters, all he could think about it finishing he match in Fortnite. Thankfully no one was hurt and he has resumed playing his game.

Seriously!! What in the name of almighty God was that boy thinking?! You are an inch away from death but that last kill count is more important to you then your siblings life or you life for that matter! This is a serious issue and would board line video game addiction, which I myself have been a part of. What do you think about it? Is that final kill count that important to you? Do you know somebody that is like that? Are you like that? Let me know what you think in the comments!!!!!

*Fortnite- Released in 2017 is a co-op sandbox survival game developed by Epic Games and People Can Fly and published by Epic Games.

HOLIDAYS (2016)

Boredom and Weird in one Package

Another Anthology movie that takes the Holidays and pits its it in the most boring horror movie way. They take seven holidays; Valentine’s Day, St. Patrick’s Day, Easter, Mothers Day, Fathers Day, Christmas and New Years and try to provide a creepy movie yet fail in doing so. There are some moments in the film that do provide a weird atmosphere but fall short in providing the horror element. I have skipped watching this one seeing other people comments on the movie but the reason I had to watch it was because of Seth Green and even with him in one of the shorts, it really didn’t make the movie any better. He did do a good job acting and he does have that funny portrayal that makes him well him.

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With out spoiling the movie, Valentines Day was just down right weird and about a girl on the swim team that look as weird as the character she portraits. Oh did I forget she has a crush on her swim coach? Yeah things only get weird from there. Nothing out of the ordinary or really for the horror genre either.

St. Patrick’s Day was probably the weirdest one out of the bunch. Following a school teacher and meeting a very peculiar student that doesn’t smile all while when she gets home is somewhat narrated by her mother via voicemail. After that there was something about a pregnancy and snakes?… yeah the snake thing was really weird. You would have to watch it yourself to find out. And what was up with the animal heads on human bodies?

Mothers Day was just boring but it wasn’t until Fathers day when it really got good. This single short was really good and the music set the atmosphere. It follows a woman who has thought her father was dead until one day she received a tape and tape deck. I really don’t want to spoil this short because it really hit the ball out of the park! If all else only watch this movie for this short.

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Easter way just another weird one with a bunny man/Jesus character and I really don’t know how to explain it but the character itself was just terrible to look at. You could clearly tell that the guy had a rubber mask on and the make up effects where terrible as well.

The rest of the film just completely bored me to death, enough for me not to want to talk about them anymore. I do love the Horror anthology film genre that is coming out and the ones that are already out aren’t to bad to watch. This movie however is just plain boring and uninteresting to watch . If you haven’t seen this movie yet only watch it for FATHER’S DAY, it was the best one out of them all.

VIRUS: The Game

….. …… …… ….. JUST TERRIBLE

Developer: DynoTech Software                                  Release Date: 1995

Virus: The Game is truly a terrible game in its own right. I found this abomination in the A Ton of Games Classic 1. Words can’t express how bad this game really is and it’s not because of just the name alone that was infecting, but the fact that the game itself is just down right boring among a few other terrible things…

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You play as Vinny the Virus and your job is to infect a hard drive and control all its sectors by capturing bytes. Sounds easy right? Sorry to say it’s not. Unfortunately it is marred by bad controls and the only controls is the keyboard. You move around the screen by pressing the Up, Down, Left and Right Keys and even that is difficult. Sometimes Vinny moves across the screen in no time at all but in others he seems not to want to move at all. When you hit the wall from zipping across the screen (and you will), it seems to take Vinny just a second to start moving to another direction that you are trying to go to. Most of my time playing was pressing the directional keys multiple times to go in a certain direction which can be draining on your hands.

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As for how to beat a level is really uncertain. You are told in the instructions that you need to take control of all the bytes in the level and of course their image is that of vampire teeth? To exit the level but I feel that there is still some bytes remaining in the level but I’m not certain and everything else is point based. The game tries its best to make you want to get all of the items in hopes to open the exit but that’s all false hope all you really need are bytes. And how do you know the exit is open? There is a small sound and the edge of your screen turns grey. Great job….. What about that pesky Red guy following you around? Well he is the Anti Virus that’s trying to destroy you and good luck getting away from him. He follows your every turn and the closer you get to the remaining bytes… well nothing it just gets hard to plan your move when you have something constantly following your every move. *Plan your moves carefully and quickly because each time you take a step you are cutting off your escape. If you step on
a blue square it then turns yellow. Stepping on a yellow square turns it red and stepping on a red square turns it into an empty spot and you can no longer step there. This can restrict your movements, just one of the many dilemmas you will face.

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The Sound is awful. Just awful and its constantly repeating the same track over and over. The sound effects are virtually none existent oppose to a few screeches here and there. The graphics are just as terrible and simple at the same time with the intro picture god awful and it almost reminds me of the monsters from Where the wild things book, weird yes.

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Final Thoughts-

Virus: The Game is just plain terrible and for the most part hard. Yeah I love a challenge and don’t shy away from one but the controls don’t work have the time. It seems like this is a game from the early flash game days. I really don’t mind the graphics too much and the music (the only track there is) grinds on my ears till they bleed and I recommend that you turn off your speakers when playing it. If you can get past the controls and the relenting Anti Virus that follows, maybe there is a slim chance that it could have been  decent.

Score: 3/10

Graphics:                   [3] If you can get past the ugly intro picture then you are in for an even uglier game. Basic is the name of the game but even that can be…OK…?

Sound:                        [1] The game’s only one track will grind on your ears till they bleed and even then you will forget about it after playing it.

Control:                     [3] How can you mess up keyboard controls? Especially if they are only directional?

Replayability:          [2] If you can get past the music and the tank like controls, then maybe you would have a decent game but unfortunately this is just a boring unplayable game.

*Taken from the Instructions themselves Virus: The Game

My Arcade GO GAMER Portable

Portable Awfulness Score: 3.4/10

Release Date: 2017 Developer: dreamGEAR

Ah yes the portable Plug N Play, every kids dream come true. Unless your dreams are the stuff of complete lazyness and garbage. The My Arcade GO GAMER Portable is the worst kind there is, terrible games behind a sleek design. I have seen the MAGGP on multiple occasions going to the electronics department in Wal-Mart and it always caught my eye. I thought to myself another Plug N Play and even deeper in the mind “another terrible one at that” but that all changed when I just took a chance with it and at $19.97 is was one awful descion that I regret.

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The Graphics are usually not the highlights of any Plug N Play but that doesn’t mean that they are terrible neither. One thing is that some of the games do have OK graphics but are blurred between the lines of 8-bit and 16-bit. Most games do have colorful graphics but the biggest problem is the FPS. Every game on the machine (all 220 games) are marred by slowdown. No game and I do mean no game is fast or even plays at a normal pace. Think of it this way say to yourself one mississippi slow and that is the speed of every game. NO WAY. You may be saying to yourself that the game art on the box makes them look cool. Well yes and they do look like that in the game but take my advise and stay away. Another problem with the device is the LCD screen can become negative in certain veiwing angles.

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Beside the bleeps and bloops of any Plug N Play they are completely normal but that is not saying much. Most games do have music and for the most part fit the theme of the game. Many Games have just one sound track and it constantly loops over and over. On the other hand some games just simply do not have music. Once you go into the mini-games as they call them, they just simply stopped making music for them and seemed to not care but as long as the first twenty games have music that should be enough for everyone or at least that’s probably what they thought and what is up with the main menu music?

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The Controls are your standard fare of arranged buttons from the D-pad to the A and B buttons. The D-pad feels weird and the A and B buttons protrudes outwards to much. No game is overly complicated in fact every game is very simple a four year old could pick the game up and start playing it. The only problem is the slowdown of the games themselves that make the controls somewhat hard to pull off. The mini-games are the easiest to control while the first twenty games are somewhat difficult to play especially MINI FIGHTER. Pulling moves off in that game is ridiculous and no game and I do mean no game comes with any instructions on how to play them. GOOD LUCK.

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Right now you have either regretted your decision on your recent purchase and have either trashed it or have made a video on how to destroy it in the fires of Hell.

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Final Thoughts-

I really thought in the back of my mind that this way going to be a different Plug N Play and the fact that it was an impulse buy at Wal-Mart made it even worst. The Sleek Design, jet black color and red clear buttons really caught my eye. Although for $20 you could have found something a little bit better. I have had other dreamGEAR Plug N Plays before and none of them were this bad. I would hate to admit it but the “good games” are in the mini-games section. Another interesting thing that they had put into the device was the 3.5mm jack to AV cables, unfortunately they don’t give you any and hopes of putting this on your TV is out of the question. One thing is for sure, they sure do know how to rip Nintendo characters off and put them into their own games. My advise is to stay as far away from this as you possibly can. Don’t fall for it.